the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
