I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
