I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
