TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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