We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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