Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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