So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
