Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
