who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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