she woke up with a sticky ear
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
