matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
