There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't put those talents on a resume
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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