so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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