I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
