just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
