My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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