Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I need to stop coming to work sober
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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