I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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