walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
