Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
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