my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize