I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
