official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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