i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
