"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
