I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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