I have demons in me.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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