My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Vodka?
Forever.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize