hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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