Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
