Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
