Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
