I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
