At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
