i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
