I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
