i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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