yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
