My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize