I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
they're like a gay fantastic four
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
