Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
