he thought i was a dude.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
