guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
