you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
