11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
