He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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