Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
