i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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