wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
