Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He uses pillows to masturbate.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
