sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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