Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
They have beer where we have blood.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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