Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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