Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
