Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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