Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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