..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize