just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
