Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize