I hate your face
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the condom got lost in my hair
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
