I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
