The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
