she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm too high and old for this...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
