I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
