I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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