Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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