And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
