girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
