so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
