can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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