Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
