Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
