Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
