I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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