I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
