No stitches, just platelets and will power
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize